The best gift you can give your child is their presence.

Science has been studying the functions of the human brain for a long time. In recent years, neuroscience has made many groundbreaking discoveries about human beings. One of them is that the early interaction between parents and children is an important factor in shaping the brain function of children.

Attachment theory states that the bond between a child and their mother during the first 18 months of life is crucial for the child's development. If the mother/father provides stable and appropriate attention and care, accurately "reading" the child's cues (such as hunger, needing a diaper change, needing a hug, etc.) about one-third of the time, and maintains emotional attunement with the child, or provides appropriate repair after missing cues, the child's brain can relax and establish a secure attachment with the mother. Research has found that a mother's unconditional loving gaze already soothes the baby's stress and emotions. This secure attachment lays a vital foundation for a child's confidence, sense of security, and ability to build healthy relationships with others later in life.

So the question we need to ask is why some parents fail to establish a secure attachment with their children? Research suggests that if parents themselves failed to establish a secure attachment with their own parents, this insecure attachment pattern can be repeated in the next generation. For example, if parents were emotionally neglected as children, they are very likely to unconsciously treat their own children in the same way. If parents are anxious about the relationship, their children will also feel anxious. Some parents may have experienced unresolved trauma themselves, or have personal psychological or mental health issues (such as marital problems, financial stress, or low mood), making it relatively difficult for them to be fully present to understand and care for their children's needs. Sometimes, they may even feel helpless and panicked when faced with their children's needs, or they may easily project their own needs onto their children, such as confusing love with control, or misinterpreting personal needs for connection as love. In this case, it seems as if the child's existence is for the parents, rather than the parents being present for the child, and the child's first experience of being noticed becomes conditional.

That said, parents are also limited individuals. Neuroscience psychologist Daniel Siegel suggests that parents should focus on understanding their own history. The more integrated our psyche, the more blessings we can pass on to the next generation. Sometimes, professional help can make all the difference. This era can be considered the most materially abundant for children, yet we also see a lack of resilience in the younger generation. Perhaps this is a reminder that what truly shapes a person's life is not material possessions, but love, connection, and self-understanding.