High emotional intelligence

Many people mistakenly believe that people with high emotional intelligence are always calm and unaffected, or so-called unemotional. In fact, quite the opposite is true. People with high emotional intelligence do not resist, find emotions troublesome, or fearful, nor do they suppress or deny their emotions. Here are some characteristics of high emotional intelligence as suggested by experts:

1. Able to reflect on the messages behind emotions.

Many people strongly resist negative emotions, believing them to be bad or problematic. In reality, all emotions are simply energy and signals. Negative emotions serve a protective function. For example, fear tells us of impending crisis, reminding us to seek safety; worry tells us to prepare for the future; anger tells us that something is unreasonable, disrespectful, or our boundaries have been violated; sadness tells us of the loss of important people and things; guilt tells us that we have violated our personal values and need to adjust our behavior to avoid harming others; and a healthy sense of shame teaches us social norms, how to respect others' boundaries, and how to be sensitive to their needs. This shows that every negative emotion has its value. If we can recognize them, name them, and hear what message they are trying to tell us, their energy will often dissipate. Conversely, long-term repressed emotions will become more intense and will unconsciously control us in our lives and interpersonal relationships.

2. Respond to situations consciously.

The biggest difference between people with high emotional intelligence and those with low emotional intelligence lies in "response" and "intervention." For example, if you feel offended, you might immediately act on impulse to "respond" by scolding or retaliating. "Responsiveness," on the other hand, means having the self-control to pause, first recognizing your own emotions and needs, and then further considering how to respond to the situation most helpfully. It can be said that our emotions do not entirely represent "me," and their occurrence is automatic. However, how I respond reflects my character and cultivation.

3. Good at understanding others

The maturity and exceptional qualities of people with high emotional intelligence are usually reflected in their interpersonal relationships. Because of their sensitivity to their own emotions and their self-control, they typically don't become overly immersed in their own or others' emotional worlds. In their minds, they are capable of both possessing themselves and "seeing" the existence of others. In life, they are able to engage in calm dialogue with others, including balancing the space for listening and expressing themselves. Even in the event of conflict, this helps them understand the other person's situation and make appropriate judgments. This is why people with high emotional intelligence are usually quite popular in social circles!

If you or your child wish to develop high emotional intelligence together, experts suggest spending fifteen minutes each day in focused conversation. Try asking, "How was your day?" Don't rush to offer opinions while listening; try to understand how the other person feels and make them feel understood. Through this practice, children gradually realize that emotions are no longer a monster, and that their emotional world is not isolated but supported.